I failed at mindfulness last month (and why that’s actually good News)
Here’s something most wellness coaches won’t admit: I fail at positive psychology interventions regularly.
Last month’s challenge? Mindfulness. The result? I struggled to maintain a consistent practice. My meditation app sent me increasingly passive-aggressive reminders. My cushion gathered dust. My best intentions evaporated by day four.
And you know what? I’m not giving up. I’m adjusting.
Because here’s what I’ve learned after years of studying positive psychology: The intervention that works brilliantly for one person might feel like torture for another. The key isn’t finding the “perfect” practice, it’s finding the one that fits your life right now.
Which brings me to Gratitude.
Not because it’s trendy. Not because Instagram told us to. But because the research is so robust that even sceptical scientists can’t ignore it and because unlike mindfulness, this one actually sticks for me.
Let me show you why this practice might be different for you too.
Positive psychology interventions: Your mental fitness gym
Think of positive psychology interventions like workout routines for your brain.
You wouldn’t do the same exercise every day and expect balanced fitness. Your mind needs variety too:
I try a new intervention every month because practicing what I preach matters to me. Some stick easily. Others feel like pushing a boulder uphill. Both outcomes teach me something valuable about the practice and about myself.
This monthly rotation also prevents the biggest threat to any mental health practice: boredom-induced abandonment.
The goal isn’t perfection. It’s experimentation, data collection, and honest adjustment.
Why most gratitude journals fail (and what the research actually says)
Let’s address the elephant in the room: You’ve probably tried gratitude before.
Maybe you bought a beautiful journal that now holds exactly three entries from January 2023. Maybe you lasted a week before it felt forced and performative. Maybe you got bored listing “coffee, sunshine, my dog” on repeat.
Here’s why most gratitude practices fail:
Too vague: “Write three things you’re grateful for” without structure or depth
Too repetitive: Listing the same surface-level items daily
No emotional connection: Going through the motions without reflection
Wrong timing: Trying to journal at times that don’t fit your schedule No accountability: Easy to skip with no consequences
But here’s what the research actually shows when gratitude is done correctly:
Significant increases in happiness levels (Sheldon & Lyubomirsky, 2004)
Lasting effects that compound over time (Seligman et al., 2005)
Improved sleep quality and reduced anxiety
Stronger relationships and increased social connection Greater life satisfaction that persists months after the practice ends
The difference between gratitude that works and gratitude that ends up as a guilty task?
Three specific elements that most people skip.
The 3-element method: how to make gratitude actually stick
After years of coaching people through gratitude practices and doing it myself, I’ve identified exactly what separates transformative gratitude from performative box-checking.
Here’s the method that works:
Element 1: Write it down but choose your medium wisely
The science: Writing activates different neural pathways than thinking. When you physically record gratitude, your brain processes it more deeply and creates stronger memory traces.
Your options:
Paper journal: Best for people who love the tactile experience and ritual of writing
Phone notes app: Perfect for capturing gratitude moments in real-time throughout the day
Email to a friend: Adds accountability and strengthens relationships simultaneously
Text to an accountability partner: Creates external commitment and shared practice
Voice notes: Ideal for verbal processors who think better out loud
My choice: I use a dedicated gratitude journal because the physical act of writing by hand forces me to slow down. It’s become a ritual that signals to my brain: “This is important. Pay attention.”
Critical point: There is no “right” method. There is only the method you’ll actually use consistently. If you love your phone, use your phone. If paper journals end up forgotten, don’t buy another one.
Action step: Decide now where you’ll record your gratitude. Set it up. Make it effortless to access.
Element 2: Reflect on why, this is where the magic happens.
This is the element most people skip—and it’s the one that makes all the difference.
Don’t just list three things. Answer these questions about each one:
“What specific elements of this am I grateful for?”
Instead of: “My friend Sarah”
Try: “The way Sarah texted me this morning just to check in, even though she’s overwhelmed with her own life right now”
“Why does this matter to me personally?”
Instead of: “Nice weather”
Try: “The sunshine today mattered because it gave me energy to take a walk, which cleared my head before a difficult meeting”
“How did this make me feel?”
Instead of: “Good coffee”
Try: “My morning coffee ritual makes me feel grounded and gives me a moment of peace before the day’s demands start”
The difference: Surface gratitude feels like a chore. Deep gratitude creates lasting neural changes.
Example from my own practice:
Surface level: “My dog, my garden, my work”
Deep reflection:
“The way my dog greeted me this morning with pure, uncomplicated joy reminded me that love doesn’t require perfection. I’m grateful for that lesson because I’ve been hard on myself lately about not maintaining my mindfulness practice. His excitement was just for me existing, nothing I had to earn or achieve.”
See the difference? One is a checkbox. The other is a moment of genuine insight and emotional connection.
Action step: Set a timer for 2 minutes per gratitude item. If you can’t think of why it matters for 2 minutes, choose something else.
Element 3: Timing and consistency. the framework that prevents failure
The research is clear: Consistency matters more than intensity. Five minutes daily beats an hour once a week.
But here’s what the research also shows: The “perfect time” is the time you’ll actually do it.
Option A: Daily devotee (30 days)
Option B: Weekly reflection (6 weeks)
Option C: Mini daily (30 days)
The consistency rule: Whatever you choose, make it non-negotiable. Don’t “try” to do it. Schedule it like you’d schedule a meeting with your most important client (which is yourself).
Action step: Right now, open your calendar and block time for gratitude. Treat it as an appointment you cannot reschedule.
The invitation: start messy, start now
You don’t need a beautiful journal. You don’t need to wait until Monday. You don’t need perfect conditions.
You just need to write down three things tonight before bed and reflect on why they matter.
That’s it. That’s the practice.
Work with me: when DIY isn’t enough
Gratitude practices are powerful, but they’re just one tool in a comprehensive approach to mental fitness and wellbeing.
If you’re a doctor, teacher, headteacher or helping professional who’s tried everything but still feels depleted, overwhelmed, or stuck, let’s talk.
Through positive psychology coaching, we’ll:
Because one-size-fits-all wellness advice doesn’t work—but personalized, research-backed support does.
Book a coaching discovery call
Ready to train your brain for happiness? Drop a comment with your first gratitude entry, share this post with someone who needs it, and let’s make this the month everything shifted.
I’ll be sharing my daily practice on Instagram @yourusername—join me using #kcgrateful. I can’t wait to see what you’re grateful for.
